Built, Not Found

"She didn’t find herself. She built herself."

For years, I bought into the idea that there was some elusive version of myself hiding just out of sight. I thought if I just searched hard enough, I would eventually find the woman I was supposed to be.

But I’ve learned something profound after years of putting my own needs on the back burner: you do not find yourself. You build yourself. Brick by brick, choice by choice.

Society spends a lot of time telling women what we should look like. I grew up with a naturally curvy build during an era when the world demanded stick-thin frames. I spent years feeling like my shape was wrong, waiting for the day I would finally shrink enough to "find" the acceptable version of my body.

What a waste of time. I wasn't lost; I was just trying to live in a house built for someone else.

Graduating from the expectations of the past means realizing that we are the architects of our own lives. I am currently in the messy, beautiful process of tearing down old habits and laying a new foundation. "For me, that looks like a whole-food lifestyle that balances eating meat a few days a week with a strong plant-forward focus the rest of the time." It looks like skipping the refined sugars, embracing the strength of the strong, curvy frame God gave me, and refusing to apologize for the space I take up.

Building yourself isn’t a passive experience. It requires action. It requires saying no to the things that no longer serve you—whether that is a loveless situation, artificial ingredients, or the idea that your worth is tied to how small you can make yourself.

And it requires saying yes to the hard, rewarding work of laying new bricks.

Every time I reach for a whole food instead of a quick fix, I am laying a brick. Every time I celebrate my curves instead of criticizing them, I am laying a brick.

Stop looking for the woman you are supposed to be. Pick up your tools, claim your space, and start building her.

Reflection for today: Where in your life have you been waiting to "find" an answer or a new version of yourself? What is one specific action, one brick, you can lay today to start building her instead?